U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
