I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
