Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
