Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
