If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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