When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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