he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
