a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
