woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
