quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
