my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
