please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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