Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
