thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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