your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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