...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
