i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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