This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
