i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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