I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
