he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
