I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
