Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
