May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
