I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize