so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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