some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We got so high we made milksteak
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
