He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
