I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
