Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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