I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
