Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
