sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
