cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you never un-have a 4some
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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