I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize