I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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