She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
