I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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