After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
