bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
time to smoke my breakfast
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
