remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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