I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I will die if light touches me.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
