she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
