Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
