no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
