Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
