I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
