Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Still dying that you shit outside
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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