When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
