I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
