Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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