Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
