I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize