I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
