I'm pants shitting drunk right now
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
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