Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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