I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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