Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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