How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
