It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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