Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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