My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
