I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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