you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
