Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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