Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
