i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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