Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
