That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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