nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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