i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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