i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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