its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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