I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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