i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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