I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
