Got a toothbrush?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
