God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
