i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize