"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
