we have officially lost it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
