He disabled his match.com account in front of me
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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