Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
