Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just cropdusted the office
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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