i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
