No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
