I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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