I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
