come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
