If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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