so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
