i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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