I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Text me some of your sweat
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
