You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize