Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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