I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
