in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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