Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Randomize