wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
