I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize