I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
