i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
